Kiersten's Story

Kiersten Thomassey

I have played on many organized sports teams, but my first was soccer. I was 7, and up until that point, I had never even seen soccer played before. The Columbus Crew (my hometown MLS team) was on their way to their first championship, and everyone had soccer fever. Obviously, at first, I had no idea what I was doing, but I was having fun and caught on pretty quickly. My parents noticed that I was pretty athletic and wanted me to try other sports as well. So, while soccer was my primary sport, I also played basketball and lacrosse. Like many young athletes, I eventually felt the soccer burn out. I told my mom that I wanted to quit, and she said that it would be okay, but I had to find another sport to replace it. She said that I was too full of energy not to have an outlet. That is when I discovered field hockey.  Going into my 9th grade year, I wanted to play for my high school team. My only goal was to make varsity. I didn’t care if I got playing time, I just wanted to make varsity.  Luckily, I did. Field hockey is a perfect combination of soccer and lacrosse, so I was able to compensate for my lack of prior training. I loved playing so much that after my fall season, I joined a club team, trained hard, and now currently play for the University of North Carolina Field Hockey team.

In many ways, I have been very lucky. I have never encountered a situation where my race was overtly weaponized against me. While that is true, it doesn’t mean that I have not been affected by racism. When it is subtle, it is often worse. If you call me a racial slur, there is no room for doubt. I understand right away where you and I stand and can respond accordingly. However, if you refrain from calling me names, and instead choose to ignore, isolate and otherwise avoid me, I am left to wonder. This can be tortuous. The questioning in my mind of whether or not I’m overreacting or wondering what I could possibly have done to warrant such treatment, has at times weighed heavily on me. I can recall on many occasions attending a camp and finding myself the only one struggling to find a partner. I can recall being the only one not to just hang out at a friend’s house. Some other examples were even more subtle. For example, being questioned about why I needed to apply sunscreen, or having people get annoyed when I would not allow them to play with my hair.  I have never understood what it is about my hair that is so fascinating to others.  These are everyday occurrences, but two examples from school that have bothered me the most were when we were discussing civil rights or slavery. As the only black person in the class, I was somehow expected to speak on behalf of my entire race or finding everyone staring at me when the “N” word appeared in print. 

Another, and perhaps less subtle example of racism that has affected me, occurred when I was returning merchandise to a store with a receipt. I wanted a refund but was asked question after question before the clerk finally and begrudgingly consented.  On the other hand, my friend, a non-person of color was returning items, but did not have a receipt.  The clerk happily granted her a store refund.  It made no sense to either of us.  Shopping has always been an experience of mixed feelings. I love buying new clothes and hanging out with my friends, but on many occasions, I have found myself being followed through the store by not-so-subtle store security - just me, and not any of the girls that I was shopping with.  

When I was younger, I was less capable of processing experiences like this. I just internalized it. Now that I am older, I recognize it for what it is, and recognize that this behavior from others has nothing to do with me. Their biases are their issue to resolve. I cannot and do not allow it to rent space in my head. However, I cannot help but think of all the little girls and boys who come after me. A child’s job is to be a child. The reality is that a portion of our population’s children face these struggles with bias day after day. This is why Racial Equality is so important to me.  Navigating the ups and downs of adolescence is hard enough. Burdening people of color with the added task of encountering, processing, and finding a way to overcome it without lasting negative scars is unconscionable to me.